Sorrow looks back. Worry looks around….. But yes, faith has us look up!!
Sorrow: The uneasiness or pain of mind which is produced by the loss of any good, real or supposed, or by disappointment in the expectation of good; Grief at having suffered or occasioned evil; Regret; Unhappiness; Sadness.
I think as a mom of a micro-preemie I have understood some sorrow. The day I walked into the NICU, walked back to my baby, as a very nice nurse started telling me about my son. He was hooked up to machines. There were lines in his belly button. He was not breathing on his own. He was sick. In my head I heard me say ” He is dying,” In my heart I felt he is going to live.
That was a day I look back on and think… Those friends that have lost their lives, the moms who grieve for what they thought they would have, for the walks in the park they won’t have, proms not attended, grand-kids never held. They know sorrow. They live sorrow. Is mine still sorrow?
Worry: A worried conditon or feeling; Uneasiness or anxiety. A cause of uneasiness or anxiety. To torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts. To fret.
I worry. I look around all the time. You know the sound of feet behind you in a parking lot…. I turn. I look. I wonder. I ask questions. My friend Lisa said it best when she questioned: Do you sometimes feel like you almost think Ty will be fine, but don’t want to really let your guard down? My answer: YES! My thoughts exactly. If I let that guard down then something will come crashing down. I fret. When Tyler doesn’t eat or he cries “more” than he usually does do I or should I call the doctor? Is what I am seeing him do or more importantly NOT do a bigger issue? Do I lack Faith?
Faith: The substance of things hope for, the evidence of things not seen (Heb.11 :1)
I served a mission for the LDS church. I taught this principle in many discussions. It is the fundamental principle in our religion. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Without that faith we have nothing. How can God be true? We can’t tangibly touch Him, smell Him or taste Him. Is He there? Of our five senses what are we missing? Feel and hear. We feel Him when we do what we know is right. We hear Him when we stop and listen and when we ask.
One thing that has been given to us to help us with this faith is the Holy Ghost, or the Spirit. He also gives us choice and agency. He gives us commandments or ideas of things we need to do to complete His plan. When He gives us these thoughts and actions He leaves it up to us when to carry those things out. He lets us think them out. Weigh the odds and the request then when the time is right act upon them. If we chose to not act upon them when the time is right ( after we have weighed the odds and the request) then we are not faithful. But if we do it when the time is NOT right then we risk failing due to human error.
When we were in the NICU 2 days we were told we needed to do open heart surgery. Without hesitating we told them to go ahead. Save our son. It was the right time and place for it.
When we moved to PCMC we were devastated. We felt awful about moving. After our night prayer as a couple we knew we would be okay and at the right time we would understand why.
In April Tyler got super sick and needed a shunt placed. The feeling that I had to get up and check on him saved his life. I know this. It was the faith that God trusted me as his mother. It was the right time for me to be trusted to be Ty’s mom.
Having doubt doesn’t mean we lack faith. Questioning doesn’t mean we lack faith. Waiting till the ideal time to do something that God has asked us to do it not lacking faith. He says the faith without works is dead. If we never took what he has asked us then we are without faith. If we take what he has asked us to do and weigh it out in our mind and then as his child” make the best deacon we can then he will own and honor that transaction.” ( Brigham Young) He will be okay and honor our decision to exercise our faith.
Faith does look up. It makes us look up. We have to look up. If we didn’t we would look down, around and back. We would worry more, have more sorrow and be lost. Look up. Look up ahead. Not straight up. But smart up. Think for ourselves, make our decision and take it to the Lord. Then he will honor us and our choice.